API of the future

How do you create an API that can be used by thousands of developers with zero training? As we say in the Army "make it stupid simple." Problem: The more simple I make it, the more complex it gets on the server side. Especially when dealing with security. A good example would be the Facebook API. Developers around the world cry "FOUL" over its inconsistencies. I bring this up because I am developing an API for my social network I'm designing for my company. So far I have dumbed it down to as simple as sending commands via TCP and returning encapsulated java objects. Now you cry foul! You say "Java sucks!" and I say "How else?" Do we create a mass graph that allows users to do queries in HTTP payloads EXAMPLE: "www.doit.com/?q=getfriend=1234." I suppose I could do this and return the new hype of the web JSON but where is the security? Where is the authentication? Where is your JSON parser? How about RDF? Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free and I will return you Java Objects free to do thy biding.